ctually… normally I’m lovely.
so. the massage from the Universe today was:
Relax. Breathe in deep. Hold it. Let it out. Loosen your shoulders. Smile. Close your eyes. And anna , you’ll be surprised at how many voices you’ll hear, whispering sweet encouragement into your ear.
Kissey, kissey, you can do it –
yesterday was kind of hard with teary-eyed angstyness… I’m at this conference all week. it’s a worship and arts conference. (shout Jubilate people who carried me through yesterday. I’m really grateful.) LOVELY people, talented people… trying to incorporate the arts into worship – it’s ecumenical. and it kind of reminds me of the best parts of seminary: kind people. singing lively music. drumming. good sermons. thoughtful worship. me wondering what the hell “christianity/christianities” is all about. and the christ-dude: who is that guy?
the conference center is a Catholic conference center just sort of outside of town. Catholic; built in the 1950’s, obviously. (how Frank Lloyd Wright destroyed architecture, by anna!) the nuns WEAR WIMPLES. and HABITS. (for those of you who don’t know what a wimple is – picture someone like in a Vermeer painting… the thing that’s on her head? a wimple.)
www.theatre.ubc.ca/dress_decor/images/Med_dress/early%20med/wimple.jpg 15th/16th/17th century common dress. why does it feel like religion is 3-4 centuries behind everybody else? oh. cause the nuns are wearing WIMPLES. gah!
I may or may not ever feel fully comfortable with the eucharist. I think some of the “Christ died for you” language is off-putting for me… ummm… yeah. I need a different atonement theory! because I don’t believe in a easily-angered, bloodthirsty, father god. or eating the son-god. (nyagh!)
anybody remember The Color Purple? When I met Alice Walker, (she was sitting at a table), I got down on my knees, grabbed her hands, and thanked her for giving god back to me. she was kind about it. I needed that gift so much.
“what does god do when god gets angry?
“oh, she just make somethin else, beautiful…”
I think I also was crying as well. when I talked with Alice Walker.
in addition to crying a lot yesterday I mean.
I had kind of a moment with Sam – I asked him to stay at his place for a couple of days.
I do need some space – and I am putting myself under a lot of pressure: to find another job; to get enough work hours in so that I can reach my goal of 1700 hours so that I may get my education award. find another job. preferably AmeriCorps.
Sam took it badly. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t handle conflict well. He might also think I’ve broken up with him. He wouldn’t answer my calls last night. I only called twice. I have PRIDE. (where do the prejudice and zombies come in again?) I only left one message though.
sometimes I think he’s a little childish. my roommate pretty much doesn’t like him. (because of some of his behaviors.)
I must breathe deep and bring joy today. and joy is not a burden at all.