so last night I didn’t want to make a big deal of being sober. I thought if it was this huge deal then I would feel ashamed and then go drink it off. but I’m happy to report that I had a lovely time. a lovely time.
My friend Shawn is a pro-makeup artist. like used to work in theater as a makeup artist for a living… so he was making up Ray’s kids at Ray’s house… so I went over there after my nap. I made pizza, and he worked on my face. I borrowed an awesome costume from my roommate, emo-goth-grrl circa 1990-something. a *really* short skirt (totally I am not kidding you my butt was hanging out all night) and a pink/black mesh shirt. I looked super cute, trufax. I didn’t even mind overmuch that I was wearing pantyhose!
so I put on hair gel and more hair gel and spritzer water with sea salt in it but my hair just looked normal. I then used some of my roommate’s gel, which helped a little bit.
then I went over and got made up. pics to follow? I still haven’t figured out how to download pics from my digi-cam. ah, time! things you are supposed to do with it!
then, after a really fun two hours of being made up like a goth-roit-grrl with MONDO eye makeup and a bitemark! I went over to the alano club where there was a sober dance party. Shawn also helped my hair become less vertically challenged. 🙂
I got there early – I thought it was supposed to start at 7 pm, and it turned out that it started later, like 9:15 – oops. I got there around 9 and there were some scary looking folks: not like cause they were wearing costumes scary, just sort of, "Wow. these are some people who have really been battered by life."
then I was kind of scared and nervous because there weren’t that many people there who were dressed up, and I didn’t know anybody. then I remembered that I’m the kind of person who has never met anybody they didn’t know before, (e.g. the kind of person to whom there is no stranger, just people I haven’t been introduced to yet) and started introducing myself to people who looked friendly.
then I played pool, terribly I might add, because I was worried about my ass showing, and very out of practice… and then I reminded myself I was playing pool! something I loved to do when I was drinking. something I still love to do, and something I can do without drinking in a very safe place such as the alano club, which is a drug and alcohol free zone.
then the dancing started, and the people I was playing pool with, one of them wanted to dance, and so I danced with her. I wanted to dance too! by then there were other people, who looked less scary, who had shown up, and I decided I could stay for a few minutes. and I danced! it was fun to dance.
I am also out of shape, when it comes to things like dancing. It really felt like a workout. I am not lying. parts of me were sore last night. but not this morning, because I am still waking up with coffee and maybe I’ll feel it later and stretch out a whole bunch. the party was hosted by a christian church in town, so they played some "Jesus songs." then they announced that there would be a sober dance party every saturday there… Alex got really excited and said they should play more "gay music" and she’d be there every time! I liked some of the music they played, it was fine. mostly I just needed to be there and not be drinking.
there were a couple of gals I made friends with who were good dancers. one of them, whose name is Alex, is new in town and came here to do an in-patient treatment program. she’s only been here for a month… so we talked for a bit and she was nice.
I guess some of my internal prejudices against "drunkards" are falling away. which is likely for the best. some of the people I have met in these AA groups that I’ve been going to have similar stories to mine. I guess somehow I thought that… well. I guess I thought I was better than a lot of people who couldn’t manage their problems. "Oh I can handle that!" which is a sad thing, really, because I have handled things so badly from time to time… I think of course, that I should still be wary – I gave this girl Alex a ride home to the clean and sober living complex a few miles away. I thought I should still be wary, because I’m still so new at this, and of course, drunks are liars and cheats and could become violent etc etc.
but she seemed nice enough and she wasn’t drinking and I wasn’t drinking and I didn’t think it seemed too much to ask, a small act of kindness like a ride home from a dance party…
I guess it’s also important to trust myself, and it turned out okay because of course, nothing happened… I gave her the name of an employment agency in town and I would like to help her with her resume etc because she’s looking for work. I might be able to help her get a job, become self sufficient. that would be also a great small gift I could help her along with…
then I came home and one of my neighbors (a guy in his late 20’s/early 30’s maybe) was very drunk. dressed up as Larry Bird, no coat. just a basketball outfit. so he was locked out and banging on his own door, hoping that someone would answer it. I kind of invited him in out of the cold, and he was rambling etc. stumbling, really. I went over to his house and knocked on the door, then went around to the back porch door, which was unlocked. so I let myself in and then went downstairs to get him. but he’d followhed me…
I felt some compassion for him. but also frustration, because he’d lost his keys, his jacket, etc. he left his wig and his wallet over at my house in the brief time he’d been there… so I went back over and gave them to him. (also an empty condom wrapper ew.) we talked about the dog and he loaned me his roommate’s Deadwood season one (yay! I will tell the roommate later, of course.)
and maybe this is smug or self-righteous or even bad of me… but I was so glad I wasn’t him. So glad I wasn’t hammered and dependent on others to get me into my house safe. so glad I was there to help him so he didn’t die outside from fucking hypothermia (am I being hyperbolic?). so glad I didn’t get raped/have sex with the wrong guy again…
I watched tv for a bit then went to bed.
I haven’t been to a dance party in ages. I haven’t dressed up in a really short skirt and danced my tuckus off and had a lovely time doing it and remembered the whole evening in ages.
this sober thing is working for me…