just not here.
It takes something for me to edit something I’ve written by hand – something more to re-read and re-frame and put it down on screen.
I have had lots of thinky-thoughts lately, I just haven’t typed them up.
There’s something very Julia Cameron-esque about writing pages in the morning, pushing the pen across the paper whilst slogging down some coffee, trying so hard to wake up. (Does anybody besides me remember The Artist’s Way? Morning pages? Anybody?)
I do not have enough time lately. That is a fact!
Yet, I have been thinking and writing about (in no particular order):
- Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACEs) and their consequences for our culture (and for my kid!). I have a score of 3, or 4 if you count my parents’ divorce when I was 36. My husband has a score of about 4 or 5. This surprised me, because while I’d known his stories, a few of them, at least: I didn’t put it together that he was just as much pain as I am, give or take. I tried to share this with him, in the hopes of telling him that I’d grown to have more compassion for him as a result of this realization – but I botched it badly. I had a wave of despair, knowing that I’d hurt him more just by bringing it up. I wrote him an amends letter today.
- Here’s an article about a high school which incorporates the scholarship into daily practices with the students, with such compassion.
- The book, In the Realm of Hungry Ghosts by Gabor Mate, is haunting me. I haven’t finished it: as with most non-fiction books, I have slogged my way through 3/4 of it, and the last few pages (the ones where he talks about hope and the resilience of the human spirit, actually) are eluding me. (With my theology books, I was proud of myself if I managed the first few chapters. It takes me a while to digest things.)
- CHRONIC PAIN. With the woe and dread of chronic pain. God, it just takes a toll. I got into a car accident – a nothing fender-bender – a year ago yesterday. I had three years worth of lower back pain, but the crash added a new element of upper back & neck pain. Massage has helped in the past, and I tried physical therapy after the baby was born, and it helped. But still, pain. Then the crash. I tried to calculate how many hours I’d spent driving back and forth to the chiropractor in the last year, and how many hours I’d spent at the chiropractor and massage therapist last year. And I came up with a number in the hundreds, for only half the year! What a mess. So much time and energy, driving after wholeness in my car, listening to Democracy Now! democracynow.org, The war and peace report, I’m Amy Goodman.
- I just started acupuncture a few weeks ago – I really love it so far. I had gone to acupuncture when I lived in New York, years ago, just for general wellness. It’s a wonderful modality. The doctor I’m seeing is about my age, and he’s a mensch, a human being about it all. He’s a good listener, which good lord, I needed this morning.
- The difference between Amy Goodman and Rachel Maddow, well the differences I’ve noted so far (ahem): Rachel takes a long view, and tells the story with a lot of context. I really like that about her work. She also isn’t afraid of the funny, when it appears. Amy Goodman is still of the “old, old school” of journalism, which more or less posits that “journalism is serious business; journalism is never funny; all things journalists cover MUST SPELL, WITH DOOM, THE END OF THE WORLD AS WE KNOW IT.” As you can imagine, me and my anxiety/depression issues are rather enjoying Rachel Maddow.
- My kid, my husband, my hopes for the future.
- This job interview I have coming up. (wish me luck!)
I think that’s about all for now. Blessings be upon you, this day.