So, it turns out that the reason we’ve been bouncing checks for the past four months is because I was double-paying my student loans. The autopay setup on my bank must have created a new payment instead of editing a current payment, resulting in two payments.
Just to be special, however, the autopay made a duplicate payment last month of the second payment, resulting in THREE payments of my student loan.
It turns out that we are not the kind of family who can misplace $200-$400 and get away with it. If you are, please, by all means, start a bank for poor people that won’t charge overdraft fees. Because fuck that noise. I got about half a dozen overdraft fees in the last six weeks, and they reversed three of them when I went in and complained, but still, there were four $25 charges in the past month which were not reversed. Again, we are not the kind of family who can misplace that kind of money. It chaps my ass that I got overdraft fees in the first place, when it was their stupid autopay system that didn’t register 5 duplicate payments. I was the one who set up the payments, though, so I have to direct some of that rage at myself, which is just not satisfying. Who wants that?
It turns out that I do a few things when I get super stressed out:
- I bounce checks / overdraft my bank account
- I get sick
- I cry a lot
- I overeat: chocolate / ice cream etc
- I wreck my car.
All of these things happened last week, except wrecking my car. BUT the window on my passenger side did skip the track, so it wouldn’t roll up and down (I had at least three panicked, “Why isn’t it working???” moments). So the hubs had to take the door apart and fix that. He said, “That counts, right?” He was laughing when he said it. He also had to refill my freon for the AC, because damn. It’s been hot the past few days. He’s pretty talented. 🙂
In other words, it’s stupid expensive when I get stressed out. I should stop that! I also lose my patience with my kids (especially my four year old) and my husband.
The hubs said that I “get extra needy” when I’m sick, which is a bit of a statement, considering he’s already dealing with my postpartum mood disorders, and general up-and-downness.
I just want to be well. I was up and down all over the place today, and then mad at myself for the autopay thing.
This morning, I read an article about a person who defaulted on their student loans. I don’t judge this person. I think the student loan industry has become an unjust domination system: you want to be educated enough to get a job? It’s going to cost you the ability to travel, buy a home, save money for retirement. Knock yourself out.
I thought about that today, this author’s insistence that what he did was not some moral deficiency:
“I chose life. That is to say, I defaulted on my student loans.
As difficult as it has been, I’ve never looked back. The millions of young people today, who collectively owe over $1 trillion in loans, may want to consider my example.
It struck me as absurd that one could amass crippling debt as a result, not of drug addiction or reckless borrowing and spending, but of going to college. Having opened a new life to me beyond my modest origins, the education system was now going to call in its chits and prevent me from pursuing that new life, simply because I had the misfortune of coming from modest origins.
Am I a deadbeat? In the eyes of the law I am. Indifferent to the claim that repaying student loans is the road to character? Yes. Blind to the reality of countless numbers of people struggling to repay their debts, no matter their circumstances, many worse than mine? My heart goes out to them. To my mind, they have learned to live with a social arrangement that is legal, but not moral.” – Lee Siegel
The opening salvo of this quote reminded me of that other quote from Trainspotting:
Choose life. Choose a job. Choose a career. Choose a family. Choose a fucking big television, Choose washing machines, cars, compact disc players, and electrical tin can openers. Choose good health, low cholesterol and dental insurance. Choose fixed-interest mortgage repayments. Choose a starter home. Choose your friends. Choose leisure wear and matching luggage. Choose a three piece suite on hire purchase in a range of fucking fabrics. Choose DIY and wondering who the fuck you are on a Sunday morning. Choose sitting on that couch watching mind-numbing spirit-crushing game shows, stuffing fucking junk food into your mouth. Choose rotting away at the end of it all, pishing your last in a miserable home, nothing more than an embarrassment to the selfish, fucked-up brats you have spawned to replace yourself. Choose your future. Choose life . . . But why would I want to do a thing like that? I chose not to choose life: I chose something else. And the reasons? There are no reasons. Who needs reasons when you’ve got heroin?
I live with someone who sits on the couch all day watching mind-numbing, spirit crushing game shows… and Judge Judy. God, don’t get me started on Judge Judy. It’s depressing.
…Other than all that stress, I had a great day. I found a birthday present for my mom. I solved the bounced-check mystery, and it was something I can fix. I hung out with the kids. LG played outside in the sprinkler. He’s got so much joie de vivre. Sometimes, it’s exhausting, but most of the time it’s nice. 🙂