my friend Kristen wrote a poem for me (for Mother’s Day)

For Anna, Herself and Goddess Constructs and the Great Mother All and Endless Compassion

I ask the force I will call
The Deep Compassion
to join me in words
as I voice love mingled with ache,
as I seek to say it rightly

The Deep Compassion
heeds no call:
we clap our hands,
children begging favors

I hold up my cup
This medicine is bitter
I ask why
I listen to the quiet of nothing
The Deep Compassion shows me no reason
I think that’s the lesson
so I tip the cup
to thirsty lips, looking for wisdom

My womb bore the honeyolive skin,
the wide pinwheels of his eyes,
the meat and tendon of him–
I tell the Deep Compassion I am afraid
I hear no answer
I think that’s the lesson
so I eat the bread of my hands
with clear good oil and a dark pool of vinegar
I cannot bear the fatness without cut of the acid
Perhaps this was the lesson
I do not hunger, even in silence

I sweat as I wait, the human animal
of my body watchful and afraid
The silence holds no shame
it breathes no life into shape
in the Deep Compassion there is no wind
I think that’s the next lesson
so I speak to no one, no ears
resonate with the sound
but I am empty of words
now and that’s the lesson, too

I ask the Deep Compassion how I can forgive
the unforgivable, the parts taken away
how can I grieve what I’ve lost
while I’m losing it
when no answer comes,
I fall into the deepest sleep
I think that’s the lesson,
so I rest until I am stronger

I move into the daylight
until it touches everywhere that hurts.
I do not ask more questions.